Monday, October 19, 2015

no worries because I'm here

no more sad post coz imma finally a happy bitch xx 

things hasn't been good & smooth for me this few months but I'm glad, 
I met this guy who give me feel the things I longed for. (: 

He had every little things that I wanted and no one had given me this kind of feelings. 

I just feel amazed by the way he's and the way he treat me. 
and unknowingly, I wanna him to keep him by my side no matter what. :D

He would always find time for me despite being fucking sleeply and there's schl the next day / even work. 
He shows me his responsibility towards everything. 
He never fail to make me laugh and smile even when I don't feel like. 
The feelings of having him around me or even by texting, gets me v happy. 
I would always look forward to meet him even if it's just for a short while. :D 

His endless care love and support melted my heart. 
He know he's going to army, and he get v paranoid and insecure. 
He always tell me how much he love me and had nv judge me w my bare faces instead he compliment me & tells me I'm pretty w my bare face. 

and I remembered v clearly that he went to buy one whole packet of pad for me coz I was having menses out of sudden in school & I got work straight after that.
He came over to my workplace to pass me the pad that he bought as well as some choco to calm my cramps.
I know that's nothing to you guys, but tbh, I had never met a guy who can just take the pad and go to the counter to pay money. 
He's those guy who's v shy, but he put away his shy-ness and bought it for me. 

He's not good with words & he can't really express himself out, but because of me, he did. 
he tell me how he feels and everything in my face. 
can u guys imagine how much courage he had put in just to say out his feelings and thinkings he had for me? 

huehue, there's alot more but I guess all this can't be explained by words. 
So, thank u yang. <3 

Monday, October 12, 2015

rainbow will be out soon

Dai ge ho ! :D 

Guess who's back? haha. 
where do I start from? um. 
actually I'm kinda speechless now, because too many things is going on my mind 
and I have no clue where to start from. 
It's like everything came hitting on me and I couldn't take it. 

yesterday I was sitting on a round table near my house, crying so badly. 
and I picked up my phone, I called those people that i feel like, 
and guess what? 
huimin answered my phone straight away. 
and I only say "hello"
she know I'm crying. she stopped everything she's doing and hear me out. 
She tried to give me advices and I'm fucking thankful for that. 

next, my primary school friend, 
tho ne didn't picked up my call, but he called me back within 5 mins. 
Tho he's tired aft work, but he still hear me out. 

When I was alone sitting at the round table, I asked myself,
who will really be there for me when I have problems? 

who will cry for me if I'm dead? who will regret not telling me that they love me 
when I'm still breathing?

I didnt slept well the previous night. 
Woke up in the middle of the nights for 4-5 times. 
flipping here and there, rolling to and fo my bed and I still can't find any reason 
to fall aslp with peace. 

people asked me if I'm okay, 
I only can smiled and say "I will be okay soon" 

I know I'm v always emotional with my thoughts and my endless dramatic life. 
I'm tired of it too. 
when can I really be happy ? when can I tell everybody
"hey, I'm happy today" 

when can I proudly update my blog w ONE happy post??
I guess it had been a long time since I was happy. 
I can't even remember when was I really happy. 

They said " it's just a bad day and not a bad life, live w it " 

YES! I know. I know all this logic! 

my thoughts are so deep that it always kills me in the inside & it's legit. 
I might not show it, but trust me, I wasn't really happy about my life. 
I made a lot of mistakes and I wish I could rewind the time. 

I make a lot of bad choices in life and I hope I can re-make the choices again. 
But no, time won't rewind anymore. 
and what can I do? 

Live w it and suck thumbs. (':