Happy 20th Birthday To Me!

Hi earth, 

It's been long since i last blog. 

It was my big yesterday!! 22 June 2017 was the day i turned into the big 2!

I would sum up my whole birthday celebration an awesome one. 

Bf brought me to USS, we play different rides, queue up for not that long queue. 

Didn't rly sweat a lot, and i would say i enjoy myself a lot. 

After that, head home to bf house to have home cook dinner from bf's mom. & then we went home. He said he wanna send me home to finished off the whole part. 

And guess what??

When i step out of my lift, all my friends was standing there surprising me with balloon, cakes and flower. 

I will just let the photos do the talking. (: 

 

   

 

   

 

   

 

Thanks friend x I love you guys. ❣️❣️

"Once bitten twice shy"

Seem like this phrase means alot because it happened to me a lot of times. I don't know what had i done in the past to make me suffer so much in this life. 

Friends leave, and they leave in a suffering Way for me. 

Sometimes I couldn't understand why they treating me this way but I guess I deserve it. 

I don't know how to face it w a smile anymore because this smile on me had slowly disappear day by day. 

After so many bullshits, I'm sure that I'm not a strong girl like what others said. 

I suck a lots. a lot more then you guys can think of.

So if you were to wonder what makes me like this. Lemme tell u a story. ☺️ 

There was this guy wanted to woo me after a trip to USS with them. 

He got a lot of sweet talks and he treated me very good. he was the one I thought that wouldn't leave because my ex friend told me so... 

I tried to open up myself for him. And things was going smoothly at first. 

but I don't know issit because of his N's that make him so stress or because he had got what he wanted already. & he left. 

I cried, I cried everyday for him. I couldn't find myself anymore. I wonder why he did this to me. what had I done wrong to deserve this... I just wanted to love someone with my whole heart and everytime I get back was heartache. 

next, after we stop contacting, he asked me back for money that he lent me... and it was 1300$ 

he rushing back the money & it's forcing me to the end. But what else can I do? 

One of my brain was like "i am going to find money to return him at one go" & another of my brain was telling me "you have no friends you have no money you've nothing now" 

I sucks likea a lot yea? 

Maybe what my ex friend said was right, I'm a slut that doesn't deserve any sympathy. I find all this troubles by myself. I can't and don't deserve to be happy at all. I sucks all the time... 

I ..... I ... am speechless.

Can someone tell me what shld I do? 

All the single time my life is full of rness dramas. I'm sick and tired of it. 

I bring troubles and burden to people around me. i no longer know the definition of being happy. what shld I do now? 

heart vs mouth

Let's start off with Heart VS Mouth. 

Why would i get drag into this complicated and confusing part?

Knowing that work is part and parcel of our life and there will always be some conflict and unhappiness at work. But what makes me don't understand about it, 

why truly wanna treat a person good, will because like being a bad person that will talk behind their back? 

Working at this company for 3 months going 4 months and i realise that, this is not the kind of working environment i would want to work in. 

i can't find myself smiling or even feel any happy. And as time pass, i feel that i don't even feel like entering this shop, like it's always full of hatred fake and scary people. 

Tho they look like they are normal but they don't express the same way as they looks.

They may seem to be kind-hearted and even treat you good , talk to you but in actual fact they just wanna dig out info about another person just because they know you're close to another particular person. 

Why on earth there's this kind of person? why on earth that out of nowhere i've to be dragged into this kind of complicated and tired politics issue. 

Hm, i don't know, i really don't know: 

i always tell myself that, just work and do what you're supoose to do. but i doubt that's the case. 

Even if you're doing what you think it's not wrong, people would still think that you're wrong and notice all the movmebt you made.

And today i witness  that not everyone can be trusted even if they showed to be so caring and be so sweet, being good to you.

Because at the end of the day, they just wanna pull you down and make themselves look brighter and highest in front of those higher rank. 

I notice that, they are just faking around and stab you real hard in the back. 

i can't imagine how is that possible. 

No wonder people always say "you will never find a real friend in an adult world especially working environment."

Because people will always find ways to pull you down and down so that they can be more high than you. And that's when you realise, you actually lose.

Really got no idea who is right and who's wrong, i just didn't expect things to turn out this way. 

& irs really heart breaking to witness all this and even get included inside. 

I mean like we are all working together, why can't we just help each another and get the job done? 

Everyone can be happy & things willl go smoothly. 

But i don't see this in this work. i really don't.

Oh my, tell me tell me tell me what shld i do. 

And like i stated at my title, Heart Vs Mouth. 

how do you even differentiate people using their heart to treat you good and how you even differentiate people who treat you with their mouth only? 

How do you know when they are speaking the truth and when they are not? 

How ?