"Once bitten twice shy"

Seem like this phrase means alot because it happened to me a lot of times. I don't know what had i done in the past to make me suffer so much in this life. 

Friends leave, and they leave in a suffering Way for me. 

Sometimes I couldn't understand why they treating me this way but I guess I deserve it. 

I don't know how to face it w a smile anymore because this smile on me had slowly disappear day by day. 

After so many bullshits, I'm sure that I'm not a strong girl like what others said. 

I suck a lots. a lot more then you guys can think of.

So if you were to wonder what makes me like this. Lemme tell u a story. ☺️ 

There was this guy wanted to woo me after a trip to USS with them. 

He got a lot of sweet talks and he treated me very good. he was the one I thought that wouldn't leave because my ex friend told me so... 

I tried to open up myself for him. And things was going smoothly at first. 

but I don't know issit because of his N's that make him so stress or because he had got what he wanted already. & he left. 

I cried, I cried everyday for him. I couldn't find myself anymore. I wonder why he did this to me. what had I done wrong to deserve this... I just wanted to love someone with my whole heart and everytime I get back was heartache. 

next, after we stop contacting, he asked me back for money that he lent me... and it was 1300$ 

he rushing back the money & it's forcing me to the end. But what else can I do? 

One of my brain was like "i am going to find money to return him at one go" & another of my brain was telling me "you have no friends you have no money you've nothing now" 

I sucks likea a lot yea? 

Maybe what my ex friend said was right, I'm a slut that doesn't deserve any sympathy. I find all this troubles by myself. I can't and don't deserve to be happy at all. I sucks all the time... 

I ..... I ... am speechless.

Can someone tell me what shld I do? 

All the single time my life is full of rness dramas. I'm sick and tired of it. 

I bring troubles and burden to people around me. i no longer know the definition of being happy. what shld I do now?