keep moving

Did you ever felt that everyone is busying with their own things 

and 

you're the only one who's so god damn free? 

Because I felt this way. 

Well, I work, I've school, I've project to do, 

but no matter how busy how many things I had to do, 

at the end of the day, I'm still stuck in those thoughts. 

I'm really tired. 

Friends.... I have. 

those few primary school friends of mine, we had drifted.

Both of them have their own gf to accp.

another one is busy w work and work. 

But thanks god the one working, didn't forget about me. 

He still came down to my workplace when he know I needeed him. (: 

really really wanna have some time w all 3 of them. 

Talking about the life we had during primary school days. 

tho I may seem small things to people out there but I swear this is my dream.

but seem like nobody is free. :')

Another friend of mine, we drifted in one night time. 

I can't even believe in her heart, I'm sucha easily replaced. 

Hm, maybe all the long, I stand nowhere in her heart at all. 

只是一个小小的吵架，却能让她那么轻易的说再见。

i often asked myself, am I the main problem for people leaving me?

Or issit the one I finding the one I looking for, didn't turn up yet? 

If someone was to ask me "are you happy" 

Please know I'm "not" deep in my heart. 

I really miss those happy moment of my life

& I just wanna smile once again soon. 

no matter how hard I tried to smile how hard I tried to open up muself, 

I end up having doubts about life having doubts about people arnd me 

because tbh, I'm afraid of getting cheated, getting dump by people.

am taking a long bus ride right now, and I pause my writing for awhile, 

looking out of the window, seeing people walking arnd, those happy faces they had,

and I wonder where were mine? 

I looked at the tree, at those lamp post, and road, I wonder, 

is this life? is this the life I wanna want? 

Who can see those pain and scars I had inside me?

Who can understand how I feel?

always hoping there's someone who will come to me like sudden, 

see through the demons in me, 

HUG ME, and tell me to cry everything out. 

Bring me to a place where I can shout my troubles out.

I'm really dying on the inside. 

stop there, stay here.

Helloooooo 

sad again at this hour. 

I know, I'm irritating by my own thoughts and feelings. I ain't feeling any better too. 

and I get irritatated by myself too.

I hate myself for thinking so much, and I hate myself for being me. 

Well, actually I doesn't wanna care that much too, and I myself know, I didn't put in my 100% in it. 

But I didn't know why I just kept on thinking so much. 

I guess is because I had been down with lots of stress this few days & I can't think straight. ;') 

Please tell me what to do with my life. 

there's too much things going on in my mind and it's making me so fucking stress out. 

Sigh, this is killing me. But who can really understand me? 

NOBODY.

I wonder if one day I were gone, who will miss me, who will understand what I had being through and understand how much I had done for them. 

I wonder who will turn up at my funeral & cry for me. 

who will tell me they love me from the bottom of their heart. 

and I guess by the time, I would have alr being happy without any worries.