Thursday, December 27, 2018

今日又想起你了

嗨,你好。
最近还好吗?It is always a fear to scroll through my photo album as there too too too many of our photos. From the first day we get together until now..... Too many photos...

I know i have delete your & our photos sooner or later but the thoughts of it makes me feel so freaking upset. 3 freaking years of photos n videos it is not easy. 
Just now i went to scroll through and i cried again. Why on earth do i love you so much when you can’t even do little things for me? Why am i still holding on when i know you’re alr gone. 
From the first day, when we talked at snapchat, to the day we got tgt, to the day we almost broke up and to now. EVERYTHING seem so so so fast. 
2019 is nearing, i will definitely miss those festival we celebrate together, those 3rd of every month together.
Although we don’t really buy gifts for each other but those long messages that both of us will sent to each other, those meetup we will arrange on this special date will be carved in my heart deeply. 

Sigh.... i miss you so much. I miss your baby smell, i miss your laughter i miss your singing i miss every single thing. Why do you have to leave me like this? Why do you have to give me up like this? Why do you have to let go of my hand? Why do you have to stopped trying? Why do you have to stop loving me? Bb, 我的心很痛很痛。Those future talks, those future planning & etc, where have they been to?
Rem you said you want me to be the first and last? Rem you said you will only love me and only me? Rem you said u wanna prove to those people that i ain’t whom they think i’m? I thought you said you will love me till eternity? 
Where have all this gone to? Rem you said you will bring me go china to meet your relatives?
3 years oh 3 years, which is equivalent to 1095 days, we are together for this thousand plus days together, how can a “be friends is better than couple” cover all this up? 难道我真的有那么的烂吗?难道我对你不好吗?难道我不值得你去努力去奋斗吗?难道我们真的要变成这样吗?真的吗?这个是你想要的吗?
I love you more than anything and yknow i will do anyt and everyt for you. Despite disliking the things u did, but i still close one eyes, i still let you go, i still try my best to like the things you like. Yknow when you said you cried because Mama gg to sell away xiaomad, yknow how upset i’m? yknow how heartaching it is? 

I see that you’re in china now, i hope you can clear your mind and i hope you can come back happily. 我不会告诉你我有多爱你或多想你。反正你应该都不会进来这边读我的 blog 了。
I will always reread our past message, and i really miss it. Even though is plainly just arguing, i’m still missing it. 
希望下一个你认识的,会比我更好,希望你会比较开心,希望她会比我更爱你,更了解你。
I guess in the world, so far, apart from your family members, i guess i’m also one of them who understand you well ba? 
Hahaha, you can’t rly take spicy but you super love mcspicy, you like to eat bigmac but because of me you stop eating. When we go 18chef, you will always order the salted egg spag. You don’t rly drink koi etc.
You and your QOO green colour will always be in my heart. 
And your must eat duck rice when we at yewtee point food court, and the shao ji fan, no bone, and our lotus soup w bean sprout. 
I rem we will always argue on who to take the chair in so that we can eat in your room and thank you for always letting me relax, ended up you will go take the chair. 
Those never ending “GO WASH LEG LEH BB” “你看你的脚酱黑” and you will slap my little feet. HAHAHA. 
i know you always see ants at home, you will go like “哇,这个家真的是 cmi sia” and get all angsty. And i rem when i m shitting, u will always disturb me from outside & the face you will give when my poopoo is chouchou. 
When i fart you will like open your big big eyes and stare at me and say “bb ah!!” 
and the “你嘛不是一样” , “sei mo”!! 

And you will always gek me and i will say about mama and you will threaten me and really call mama, and mama will be like hen lost. HAHA ASSHOLE. 
And those buying cigg time, u will always say “check her IC, underage” and when they rly ask for my IC, i will get angry at you. & you will always say “玩玩而已吗”
And my house there de tzichar, the people there know us. (: 
What else? “今天看到的人不代表明天看到”

嗨。。。太多太多的回忆啦。I hope at some point of time, you will have flashbacks of us and you will smile when it comes to your mind. 
I hope i will get over this soon, and i hope i will be happier. I hope i will put everything behind and start afresh soon. 
Last but not least, i hope you will be happier than before. 
请你下一个女孩,会让你更开心,会疼爱妈妈and 妹妹。我很高兴认识你和你的家人。
from loving family, where we get to eat dinner often to your parent quarrel, to sleep living room to now back again, and from meimei admitted to hosp, to discharge to now, better alr, from you studying ITE, to army, and to a grown up man, from papa doing sunshine to now full time grab, from nehneh still breathing to now, a guardian angel of all of you, and me.. from studying at lifelong, to swtv and now to ynhc. (: 

3 years really happened a lot of things, i’m glad we r together for this long. 
bb girl girl 的味道 有没有想念啊?
Bb, 我。。。真的。。走了哦。No matter how the future holds, i wish you all the best. I hope lim’s family won’t forget me and my face and us. I hope everyone will be healthy and happy.
I hope mama eyes will be good soon, and i hope meimei condition will get better. Spend some time w your family. I will miss your gugu(s) and those familiar faces of your relative. I will miss your unqiue size bed and your dusty computer. 
Remember go pack your drawer that is opposite your bed when you’ve time, don’t always chuck those unwanted things inside. Don’t want de things go throw. Drink finished de bottles pls clean it, and coins put haohao, watch spoil alr go repair! Drink more water and rem this, DRIVE SAFELY. Don’t speed. 
Go in jb pump petrol, be careful too. Don’t smoke so much and sleep early. 
Hope you will also find back your body clock soon and be punctual for your next job. 
when sleeping, try not to stall your fan, cos it is not good for your nose even tho i know you will still do it because..... I SAID SO MANY TIMES BUT SAME PATTERN STILL. 

Bb boiboi, 时间会让一切慢慢的模糊,也会把我对你的爱慢慢的变没有。在我不爱你的之前,我很想跟你讲,我真的很爱你。我对你的爱不是一两天的事。如果时间能够倒流,我还是会选择你的。谢谢你出现在我的生命里。谢谢你陪我走过那些风风雨雨。接下来的路,就有其他的人陪我们了。今天我就哭一次够力够力的吧。
Enjoy yourself in China & find yourself back. 
You can do it, is only you want or don’t want only. You’re a very clever boy, just that right now the path seem blurry to you, once your mind is clear, you will definitely find your way. But before you do all this, ask yourself, what you really want to achieve in life. You lost me, it is not something big for you, but  don’t because of something that CAN be bought by money, and lose something that money CANT buy n i’m saying family, and your next love ones and friend (who is rly concern about you) Pick yourself up soon & go all out. Step out of your fear and comfort zone, you will see there is a light ahead of you. 不要让我白白的走掉。Idk if the next one for me will be as good as you or issit a fuckboy like those few before i meet you, but...... doesn’t matter anymore. 我已经失去了你,我也没有什么好担心了。你开心就好,你开心就是我最大的幸福。真的

okay la, it is pretty late now. 3.45am!! :( Sleeping time lo!!! Wan an misterjy. (‘:


Monday, December 17, 2018

It hurts to say goodbye but i know it hurt more to hold on.

Hello People!!
Today is the 6th days that we officially stopped contacting. 
Honestly; i was quite mad after reading his text because he decided to let me go again.
I thought i have alr immune to the pain, and i have no more tears to shed anymore but little did i realise it still affect me quite a lot. 
Tears start rolling down once i play songs. Eyes just become damn watery after having flashbacks. 
Thinking of those days when we were together. 
Like there is too too too much memories and things we did together. 
Like, he will teach me how to ride a bicycle below his house, and he was being patience with me even though i was quite stupid to learn it. 
I rem pestering him to ride ofo with me after i learned how to ride. I rem him bringing me to meet his car group friend even through i’m a shy little bitch but deep down i was rly happy but tired at the same time. i rem how we will always go to the same restaurant to settle our lunch and go shopping together. i rem how he will always say “你买了都没有吃,放在冰箱浪费” when i ask to buy 9freash after lunch! I rem how he always will scratch my back for me patiencly when i ask for it and he will always say “啊你看,谁会想我酱有耐心帮你痒痒,你去找咯” HAHAHA. 
i rem how he laugh at me when i run and fell down after washing my leg at his house. I rem how he will piggyback me from room to kitchen just to wash my leg after like 5-10mins of nagging. i rem how he will watch toggle with me and slowly he watch it too. 
There is too much memories and it can’t be express over here.
Last 2 days, i came home, and my mom asked “qi ah, 做么酱 sian 的,谁欺负你,还是跟谁吵架了”
i went speechless and i realise i haven’t being laughing or smiling or talk much at home. 
I guess my laughter and my smile is all used up during work and meeting friends. 
I’m really so so drained. Every night slept for only 3-4 hours. 
Today saw his friend’s IG & realise that he teared away the sticker i bought for him to paste in his car. 
No idea why my heart felt like it is shattering but i guess it makes me stronger than i shld be. 
And i guess he is moving on well & that’s good. 

I hope without me he will be more carefree more happy and life will be better. (: 
I really want to say, im grateful to have you and i’m glad that we are an item before. 
thank you for this 3 years memories. It is not easy, but i’m glad we pull through this 3 years. (; 
I believe the next one will be better for both of us because we learn from this rls. 
Thank you for teaching me so much, and thank you for being such a good boyfriend towards me. 
Although at times i know we want to kill each other badly but nevertheless we still ended off with “I LOVE YOU BB” 
From Stranger to friends and to couple and now back to friends is not easy. 
You said being friends is better than being a couple, yup! I guess so too. 
At least, there is US before. (: I hope you’re doing good right now, i hope you don’t feel stress now, i hope you won’t feel suffocating now. 
Yknow when you smile, it will brighten up my mood. So i hope to see you smile more oh. (; 

Thank you for understanding me so well that even before i open my mouth, you already know what i wanna say. Thank you for loving me and everything that i have. Although both of us thought that we will last till we get old but things always don’t go our way. 
Sorry for not being the best girlf you ever had and sorry for not making our promises come true. 
I’m sorry for loving you so much and hurting you at the same time. 
I’m sorry for being needy at times and always ask stupid things when we meet despite knowing you doesn’t like it as it will lead to quarrel.
I hope the next one will treat you even better and i hope you will be happier in the future. 
But i also want to be a little selfish because i want you to rem me forever; deep down in your heart that there is this 3 years girl who is with you n gone through a lot of ups and downs together. 
I hope in the future, when you get to know someone better, you will still rem my face my smell and everything about us. 
My dear boy, 
这次我真的走了。不会在回头了。心痛一定会可是我答应你我不会伤心太久。
虽然我们最后没有在一起,可是我希望我们还是能一起为将来努力。
我希望你不会忘记那个可爱又angsty 的我。
而我会牢牢记住你,林俊諹。
谢谢你的爱。
希望下辈子,我们还能在一起回。
  • Thank you for going to Bali with me and my family. This one while say trip is tiring but it is fun! thank you for another overseas trip again with you xoxo. We took bus, train, car, grab, plane together before. and this one is by SHIP! WEW! 





Love how you can sleep till soundly makes me feel like doting you more! So cutie boy! Hehe. 

It is a 偷拍! HAHA! i love how you r very serious in doing things. It is just so MAN. Like it is very rare to see you do things until so serious. (: 

Xiao mad and Big mad. 现在就有 小mad 陪着你咯。好好的照顾她哦。

Eh? HAHAHA! FAMILAR HOR?? HAHA! i knew you tore it away already. But is ok. At least there is still photos! (‘; 
I rem this is the first time i went to fetch you from work!! HEHE! & your colleague snap this. (: This is where we first tgt, n never did i know we will become an item for 3 years. From “idk her well” to “she shake her butt i also know what she thinking” (; 

The recent time we went out together with your friends. I ask you what shld i wear and you told me Long Pant! Hehe! So cutie! ✨


uh oh! Another 偷拍!Yes it is to save it as a memories. Thank you for being honest with me and thank you for burning your own hand just to cover the ugly teeth mark of hers! Hehe. 一定很痛吧。傻的逼!

I will always rem your smell & i will definitely miss having your clothes arnd my bed just so i can go to sleep smelling it and wake up with it too. Thank you for being such a sweet boyf. 

Thank you for cooking this 爱心 fried rice for me. It is really good !!! I swear! And this is the first time in this 3 years u auto cook for me. Thank you for leaving such wonderful memories. (: 


好啦。就到这里了。
林俊諹,现在我不在你身边,记得要好好照顾自己。Is time to return back to those day where we haven’t meet each other again. It is time to return back to those alone time. 
谢谢你这三年的人陪伴还有所有的美好回忆。谢谢你让我知道什么是爱,也教会我很多东西。答应我,把我放在你心里的一个地方。把我们美好的回忆都记在心。and i hope that at times you will think back of me & us. (; 舍不得;可是我知道,是时候了。
最后一次,我想要对你说声,
林俊諹,我方玥錡重来没有嫌弃你,也没有看不起你,更没有觉得你把我拖下水。我是真的真的很爱你的。
再见了我的宝贝 bb boi. 

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

你开心吗?我希望你过得好

Hey! 
分开的第三天了。
你还好吗?有开心吗?有比较舒服吗?
还有在哭吗?睡得好吗?吃得饱吗?
然后。。还。。。还会想我吗?

这三天,真的不容易呢。
半夜会忽然间起来,眼泪不停的流
恶梦一直来,脑海里一直有你和她的画面。

很想知道你到底有没有真的爱过我。
想知道你以前所说的每一句话都是不是真的?
很想知道你到底还爱我吗?
想知道你。。你和她是什么关系。
想知道为什么你要骗我。
想知道为什么你要这样对我。
可是这些问题,我又很怕知道。
好怕知道后,又会心痛和伤心多一次
这些痛我已经够了。

每次我都在想,你到底有没有吃。
有没有睡好有没有喝水
有没有把被子盖好。
睡觉时有没有怀念抱住我的感觉呢?
还是。。她已经代替我了?

不管是什么,我想我也真的累了。
虽然知道你今天又去找她,
可是我的心在也不痛了。 
我想这就是真的放弃的感觉吧。

今天,有人问我,如果现在你叫我回来你身边,我会不会,我说 ”我会”!
不管你做了什么,骗了什么,隐瞒什么,我想我都会接受。
可是。。。你什么都不做,什么都不讲。。

就希望她能给你开心,能给你想要的。
亲爱的你, 
不要变到那么恐怖。因为我曾经爱过的你,不是这样的。
记得,如果真的需要人来讲话,来安慰,
就尽管来找我,不要去打扰别人的感情。
当第三者会有 karma 的。

And probably what i’m getting from u is my karma. 
I guess i’ve given you enough time, thinking that you will still come back, but i was wrong! 
Yknow, i always day dream that you will come to my outlet outside, and hug me tight, or wait for me at my house below, to wait for me & tel me u want me back like those in tv! HAHAHA. 
But i know it’s impossible and it is only my imagination. 

Ahh, is such a pity that i’m only able to see your china relatives through video call & not being able to see them in real life & go hainan w you. 
it’s a pity that u said u will bring me in to jb, but ended up.... no chance. 

There’s so many things that i wanna do together with you yet, no chance. 
Hah, from the first time u noticed me that i stared at you until we talked and till we became a couple and to now, we r back to a stranger with memories only. 

不知不觉,我对你的感情慢慢的退化了
不知不觉,我相信我们的缘分就到这里。
不知不觉,我觉得你就是在我生命中带给我的一个
学习。所以将来,我不会用一样的方式对待下一个男朋友。

可是,你要知道,我并没有要逼你也没有意思要让你难受。
我会一直讲你,是因为我想要和你走到老,要和你有个好一点的未来,和不希望你把事情看得太简单。
你知道你傻傻的,可是我就是喜欢你傻的样子,喜欢你装可爱的样子,喜欢你的撒娇的声音和说 bb girl girl 的味道。
也喜欢你大大粒问我,亲我也喜欢你手指不好看的样子。
更喜欢你脸上那个可爱又小孩子的味道。
也喜欢你穿了一个礼拜的衣服的味道和一起洗完的感觉。
喜欢你玩电脑游戏,我坐在你的脚上,看到很入神的我们。
明明就不喜欢玩电脑游戏的人,偏偏不知不觉的喜欢上你喜欢的东西。

也很喜欢你叫我 ”bb go over there stand at my car there” 然后拍了我和你的车的照片 放在 Instagram ”my 2 babies”

我想如果当时的我们能够,想好好,想多一点,我们就不会是这样了吧?

看到你昨天喝酒了。
不知不觉的担心你会醉,怕你可以驾车回来吗。
可是知道你安全到家,自己还倒了水喝,我想这些都是那个恶心人叫你做的吧?

叫她去管好自己的感情先不要一边说爱他一边说爱你。
叫她做女人不要做到没有 standard。
人将美,却脑都是大便。令人觉得恶心和反胃。

你这个可爱的宝宝,我会永远记得在我的脑海里。
Wouldn’t say u will have a place in my heart no matter what, cos i know all this is for the time being. When the next one come, all the ex will be like a story in your life only. 
But i’ll always rem u. 

& I HAVENT GET TO PLAY THAT $10 MYSTERY BOX OUTSIDE THE TOILET, IN GRANDSTAND!!! 
&&& I ONLY ATE ONCE KKM WITH U! 
宝宝,你要开心,要加油,要努力,要向前冲。
不要被别人对待话影响。
你是最好的呢。

我想如果我们有缘的话,
希望一年,两年, 三年,四年后,会在重逢。
也可以重新来过。
哦,我想而已啦。哈哈哈。

我说我不哭了,可是我。。我不知不觉的流眼泪。
我想应该是心痛我们会有今天,也心痛这就是正正结束的时候。
好了,晚了!该睡了。
晚安了我爱的人。(‘:

























































































































太多照片了。。。
我。。。很想你。。。
我。。。要抱抱。。。
我。。。。。我要你。
):