Hellu.

Seems like everything is crashing down once again. 

What am i suppose to do when the best part of me is no longer here?

From the very start till now, i thought i’m always the best, but i was wrong. 

I know i did my best in everything throughout this 2 years. 

How can someone who change so drastically? 

How can someone says “i miss you” but not doing anything to see you?

How can someone says “i love you” but hurt you again and again?

How can someone that you thought will always be there for you, become to a person that took you for an option?

How can someone that you always care for become someone that doesn’t even bother about you?

There’s too many question running in my mind. 

& who can answer all my questions? 

I bet even him himself also don’t know why and how. 

And probably that’s why we are in this state. 

I don’t believe in love after one toxic relationship, i pushed so many so many people away, and then i came to know a group of friends, same shit different day only. 

And i start to even hate guys more, until i let him. 

He changed my life. He gave me all his time, and just one call, he will be there for me. 

Just one text message, i can alrd sense his happiness. 

and just one look, i knew he’s excited to see me. 

Just a simple 3 words, i can feel butterflies in my tummy. 

& just one word, he will put down every single thing just for me.

& no matter how tired he is, he will always squeeze out time for me n it makes me feels so happy. 

No troubles no sadness no drama, back then! 

But as times goes by, 

things changed.

Got rejected & push away when i want to meet. 

Excuses, lies, hiding of things, and got push all the way back of his mind. 

Totally not the one that i fell in love with 2 years back. And it hurts so badly. 

Up to this stage, he still put his friends first and i’m still only an option to him. 

He rather meet his friends because he say 我为难他.

So who am i to him right now? I wondered.

Dinner is a must? After tonight, then no more dinner with friend?

But little did he know, 

after tonight, he will lose someone that love him so so so much, he will lose someone that always think for him instead of herself, he lose someone that will nv give up on him no matter what, he lose someone that will always be there for him be it rich or poor.

He lose someone that have lots of faith and hope in him. 

& most importantly, he lose my love for him.

It hurts so badly to know that, u put someone first, and that someone will put you last on his list. 

It hurts so badly that, things changed & yet i’m still the one that is facing the facts that whether or not he still wants this relationship. 

Why oh why? 

Dear boy, 

i hope you know that i really treasure and cherish this rls we had and i rly do love you a lot. 

I had done my part and i think it’s time for me to leave u for good. 

I doesn’t want to be a choice for you to choose. i don’t want to be an option or a task for you to see whether u wanna meet me or fetch me from work.

Despite saying 10x or more, no action have been made.

But just one simple call from all your “brothers”

u will go all the way down to yishun / chomp chomp to meet them. 

I’m sick n tired of always having to wonder when will be the next time to see your little cute face.

I’m sick n tired of always getting lesser n lesser time to meet you & yet u still choose to meet friends than me.

I’m tired of finally able to spend time with you, but u choose to ask me “can bla bla eat dinner with us” 

and all i can say was “okay” 

我们两个的时间已经很少，可是你就是不会为我做些什么。

And end up, u said i’m pushing you to the end. 

Probably i’m just not the one that you wants. Probably i’m just not the one u 👀 for. Probably i’m not the one that you love already.

And right here right now, 

i’m actually still hoping to see your message saying 

“come down now, let’s talk n sort things out”

Ha, but i know it won’t happen. 

Rem how much telepathy we had with just one glance or just one eye signal. 

Right now? Everything is slowly fading away. 

Losing hope losing faith and losing the feel. 

Hope one day you will realise they i rly do love you & i really did my part for you n this rls. 

I said whatever i can, and i guess it’s time to put it to a stop. Nobody gonna nag at you,

nobody gonna check on you, nobody to call u in the morning (at times), afraid that u overslept, nobody to wash plates tgt, nobody to find chance to sleepover at your place, n nobody to always say “kiss kiss” before leaving, nobody to yang yang & nobody gonna be there to give you her grumpy face. 

I thank you for all the sweet moment & thank you for changing me into a better person. 

I hope u will be happier without me, at least u doesn’t have to trouble when u meet friends / go anywhere. 

would like to apologise to you, i failed as being your girlf. i failed to make you love me the same as before, and i failed to make you happy as before. I failed to treat u better, and i failed to understand your needs. 

today i asked my colleague, “is it normal to feel 性格不合 after 2 years” 

I guess i really lost myself in this relationship.

It time for me to find the Madeline back & be happy again. 

& i hope u will too. ☺️

Lastly, 

I love you ljy. 

I love you sooooo much that i can feel my heart is breaking into pcs right now, and i just wanna die. 

I love you so much that i really wants to run over to you n hug u tightly and beg you not to leave n love me the same way as before. 

But......... i only can cry alone with the teddy u bought & slowly leave. 

Time will heal all wound, i hope. 

Take care and i love you bb boyboy💜

I went to write about cars parts hoping to blend into what you likes and try to understand what you are talking when you’re with your friends...

Yeah! no one is too busy, i’m just not important to you. 

Below are our past photos, look at how happy we are, and how we look into each other eyes. 

& right now, we don’t even much selfie tgt. 
















































miss how i’ll get to see you sitting outside waiting for me for hours.... 












There’s still a lot but........

all this is just memories. Thankful for you. 

For once and for all, i finally cried out. 

I hope i’ll be better tomorrow. 

Toddles-Oo baby boy!! ☺️