Why?

Hello people!

Pretty stress out lately. & have no one to talk to. 

And as time pass, i realise i m rly lonely. Like there’s nothing for me to look forward to anymore.

Is just work and work and work. Faking a smile here and there and i’m rly sick n tired of it. 

Like.... service line. How not to smile how not to fake a smile right? 

Everything is like crashing down on me n i don’t even know what am i suppose to do. 

Work, Relationship.... 

This 2 things i guess i’m just too numb n too young to handle it. I thought i was strong enough to handle it but i was wrong. I thought i’m good at it but i was wrong .... too.... 

So tired of every single thing. Just want to go home straight and KO. 

I wonder why i love to sleep so much, and i came to conclusion that sleep helps me to stop thinking. 

Tears is all dried up, no more tears to even shed anymore. 

I thought i’m strong enough to handle all this as i thot it would be as easy if i can pass through those tough times in life prev, this one ain’t any big deal. Ha, but i was wrong AGAIN. 

Target.... everyday have to force myself to make telemarketing calls. everyday trying hard to motivate myself to earn as much as i can to support my family and i was wrong too. 

At the 5th of every month, not looking forward to my pay anymore. Like it is so god damn tiring to receive lousy data n yet still have to force myself to do it...

Now, all i’m looking for, is only my off day. 

so drained so tired so restless so helpless.

Relationship // 

How do i even start on this topic? Ha.

I swear i’m collapsing soon, real soon.

I thought i m good in handling rls, i thot it’s easy to

understand one’s heart n feelings, n i’m wrong AGAIN.

it’s never easy to have a relationship... 

It’s all about trust space and understanding. 

And deep down in my heart, i clearly knows i alrd did what i can. I clearly knows that i m tired of repeating the same things over and over again.

I know i tried my best to withstand this rls, but i failed.

I hate myself so much that sometimes i wonder why am i even his.

And sometimes i wonder if it’s a right choice to be with him, if i m pulling him down or pushing him to the end? 

I wondered........! 

There r so many things to think in a relationship. 

N when u grow older; u realise that rls is not only a relationship when you grow older u realise that it is all about money n money. 

I don’t even know y m i like this right now, but i hate this feelings. I feels so lousy n yet i make him feel it too. 

Can anyone pls tell me what am i suppose to do?